psychiatrist-cannibal by day

pop-star singing sensation by night

hannibal montanibal 

dampsandwich:

swear 2 god next time a family member asks me how school is going im gonna drop my pants and poop right on the floor in front of everyone

buttgenie:

I JUST PICKED UP THE PHONE BECAUSE MY SCHOOL WAS CALLING AND IT’S ALWAYS A RECORDING BUT IT WAS MY VICE PRINCIPAL’S VOICE TALKING ABOUT HOW SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW AND I GRUNTED REALLY LOUD AND SCREAMED “NOOOOO” AND HE SAID “excuse me”

caseyanthonyofficial:

One time I got pulled over by a cop and I was so nervous that I thought I was supposed to call him “your honor” like we were in court or something but then I corrected last minute and I just said “Good evening your officer”

peclro:

i cant believe all dads were born today wow science is amazing

elyison:

okaysizedbangtheory:

shit they are playing hardball now

rogue-queen:

did you know that if you go into your bathroom turn off the lights and say Spock three times fast he won’t appear in your mirror because that is illogical

cumbersome11:

“I was born in the wrong generation!” I scream as I churn my own butter and marry my cousin

nucl3arw3ss3l:

My mom is so mean to me

freeeebitch:

I hate it when people try to scare high school students by saying the words “the real world” like shut the fuck up there is no fake world there is only one world and we are all living in it right now whether you have a fucking high school diploma or not

naughtyrobotics:

i h8 it when folks call me cute because i never know if its cute like baby bird or cute like u wanna frickle frackle 

rabioheab:

happy birthday. we couldn’t afford to put a stripper in your cake like you wanted so instead we just put your cake in a stripper. she ate the whole thing in like 2 minutes. you should have been there. it was amazing.

miss-afro-ninja:

So for ICT we had to make error messages for a database and i jus